Using My Voice
I've been dealing with fear, lately.
I was told that I am brave so often, I thought I didn't have a fear bone. Things that others find nauseating - being vulnerable, starting a new life on a new continent, networking... don't faze me. I get excited. I even remember myself saying "I don't experience fear". Oh the arrogance.
WHELL.
Once I decided to start using my voice, I was being called forward to do just that. And once I started trying, I was met with all the instances where I was not. I could feel my power leaking through that gap, and it was widening.
Turns out, I'm terrified of using my voice.
Not scared of what to say, I am crystal clear on where I stand.
What I am afraid of, is what others will do with it. Having to completely give up control over their reaction and surrender to their choices. It sucks.
But I want to be free and full of joy. I want everyone to be free and full of joy. So I took hold of my heart and kept saying the things.
And a curious thing happened.
Once I started trusting my voice and surrendered to the outcome, it opened up space for them to do the same.
It's not always pretty or reassuring, or even cathartic.
But I'm learning that the reaction to my voice is not a reflection of me, but a freeing in them.
Or in the words of @glennondoyle, "There’s no such thing as one-way liberation."
A while ago, I made myself Courage Cards with a simple command to get out of my thoughts and into action. Today, my stomach in knots because of whatever I'm afraid of (don't know yet), the card I picked said 'Go big.'
So here I am, talking about my fear.
Maybe it will open up something for you too.
