What’s Hidden in a Creative Block?
For me, there’s a few things. And most have nothing to do with ‘being creative’.
What’s hidden in my creative block
The Past
In my recent relationship I was inundated by past trauma* as I was being re-traumatized in the present. C-PTSD is no joke, but living in a situation that triggers the heck out of you... I do not recommend it 😅 (Obviously a narcissist threatening with WW3 is not helping)
Not only did that create typical symptoms: dissociation, low energy, shame, dizziness; it also kept me conditioned every day.
The woman who talks about confidence and courage and voice ...was quiet and in hiding. My personal life was in stark contrast to who I am and how I show up in my work. If I can’t walk the talk, how can I speak about it?
Either I was too dizzy to create or too ashamed.
Fear
My American ex-husband (I just celebrated my 18th divorciversary!) was emotionally abusive, very controlling, and did not let me leave. When I fled to Canada while he was away, he hacked my email account to find me and drove across the country to bring me home.
Sharing my life publicly means I’m exposing myself. He can see me and have that little bit of power over me. So I’ve become a very private person. Even though I love seeing other people’s lives and would love to do the same.
My fear of being exposed kept me from sharing.
Inertia
There are two types of rest. The stuff that you think is good for you, and the nourishing, soul replenishing goodness that actually works.
For a time, my escape into food, sci-fi books, and Netflix was just the ticket for anxiety flareups. But it has outlived its usefulness. Now, all it creates is low-energy inertia and way more screen time.
Instead of creating, I was escaping.
Isolation
Covid hit us all pretty bad; and then there are folks like me who work online, and choose to live in a cabin on an island – an ocean and a continent away from loved ones. I can be alone for weeks if I want to be. From there, it’s easy to sink into oblivion and order takeout.
Solitude can be restful, in doses. But being completely isolated drains energy and leaves us numb. We need to belong on a core level to feel held and inspired.
I was too numb to share, not interested in what I was creating.
Limbo
I used to think I wanted to live out of a bag. Be in flux. A nomad. Live without ties. But NOPE; just my flight response. Now, not having a home is exhausting. Without the big questions answered, the little decisions become impossible. Needing to choose what to eat made me want to go to sleep.
Not knowing where you’re going and where it’s all leading is paralyzing! You can’t build on ground that’s constantly shifting.
How can I create when I don’t even know who I’ll be in a month?
*Yes, all of these themes are classic trauma responses. So really – it’s just my past holding me back 😏 But teasing it out lets me take action. Individual themes I can work with, the big, bad wolf can suddenly be tamed. …I’ve always wanted a wolf as a pet 😁
Your Block is probably different.
Your past might be a teacher telling you you were never going to amount to anything, a terrible boss, a hurtful critique when you were most vulnerable, an ex gaslighting you.
Your fear might be straight up imposter complex; feeling like you don’t have anything to offer, don’t have a life worth sharing, you’re not good enough, beautiful enough, important enough.
Your version of inertia and isolation might be Covid’s fault. It has been rough out there. Maybe your usually mellow anxiety is through the roof now. Maybe you’ve had an existential crisis and can’t see through it.
***Of course there is ability + available spoons to consider. I am speaking to what happens when you have those and you’re still not creating. Which is the only view I can have on the topic.***
If you’re experiencing a Creative Block, I’ve got good news: Here’s the solution to all your problems!! 😂
...or at least...
How I am getting out of my Creative Block
1. Recognizing the past for what it is.
So much of what we’re afraid of is not actually happening anymore, no matter what our flashbacks make us believe. How do we stop it from dragging us back?
It helps me to get really mad at X. (Ex-father, ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, MEN?, the patriarchy, Covid, bullies, etc.) So often I didn’t allow myself to get mad because ‘forgiveness’ + ‘taking responsibility’.
But I say let’s get real mad. Make it their fault, all of it. Just to clear out the cobwebs, not to break things. And then we can choose to let go because we can see it was never ours to carry. It’s so liberating!
2. The fear is not of us.
It was placed there from the outside by something or someone. Let’s identify where the fear gets in and meet it at the door.
Facing our fears can mean checking the facts: Are you actually not good enough? Expert enough? You’re probably overqualified and made wrong for it. Slam the door on that nonsense!
Their power over me today is in not sharing and losing business because of it. I won’t let them have that. So I’m going to have to step out and trust that I have the strength to face my fears (or those men) if they show up.
3. Define what rest actually looks like.
Anything blocking momentum is not rest. Rest is creative.
I love a good movie night with bread and cheese and wine. It can be a celebration for good work done. However, actual rest for me is NOT Netflix. It’s paddling, cooking, gardening, making something, swing dancing, a great friend hangout, walking to the water.
And because I’m an all or nothing gal (it’s how I quit smoking), I’ve decided to go cold turkey and cancel all my streaming services at the end of the month. HA!! I can already feel the withdrawal. You in?!
4. Create community.
I need others in my (virtual or real life) space to get anything done consistently. I have high waves of creativity sometimes, but my bills can’t wait for those to hit. Other people are a wellspring of inspiration and motivation and excitement and endurance.
5. Stop planning, start doing.
Strategizing can become a never ending loop of the same thoughts, never actually fixing anything. I call it The Churn. Or strategic hiding 😂 Making the same decisions over and over again is exhausting and pointless! It’s a sure way to stay in Limbo.
I’m trying something new: Stop questioning my decisions, trust the plan for the year I made in January – and simply put it into action. What a concept! The relief is palpable and I’m already creating more.
In all things…
We can’t wait for motivation/inspiration/creative genius to come find us.
“To be creative you actually have to do something.”
